The more I considered it and him, the more nervous I became; and the more nervous, the more convinced that my own breakdown was only a matter of time.

Nervous breakdown was a euphemism for the result of alcoholic excess.

For the actor, it often happens that the first sign of age is fatigue; in the singer's day, the first shadow is an eclipse, the first false note is disaster, the first breakdown is often a heart-rending failure that brings real tears to the eyes of younger comrades.